The Otter Army HQ

Day 2 - In which our Hero tries to find a green card.

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 05:08:33 GMT

Those hoping for an honest unbiased review of Washington DC turn away now, for everything in my 29 years of life has built up to this moment.

7 seasons of the West Wing, pretty much every TV show I've ever loved has been set in America, and for whatever reason I've never been, mostly its mostly been a cost thing, but to be honest you mention America to most people and the idea of wombling around Washington isn't their idea of a great holiday. But you'd be wrong, I'm caught up in the fever, I love it here. I really really do.

This morning I had breakfast with bacon which was all snappy and tasted that way you always wished bacon tasted, it came with my choice of Eggs, I thought I'd play it safe and go for Chickens, although its possible I didn't understand the question. I got endless coffee, endless I tells you. I'm pretty sure that if had of been so inclined they would still be topping it up 3 days after the event (as I write this travelogue thingie as if it was on Monday, when infact I think its Thursday.)

First things to mention, The metro makes so much sense, I've travelled the Underground before and found the whole process a little confusing, here, you simply purchase a swipe card with as much credit as you like, it prints the value of credit on the paper card. You go where you wanna go, it deducts the fare and gives you an update. Need more money to complete your journey there is a little top up machine before you leave the station. If you want a new card, you simply feed the machine your old one and you get any outstanding credit transferred. It just makes sense.

Secondly - The Mall is Frickin huge. This is certainly a point that I will revisit, as on day 5 of my holiday (or vacation as I've started calling it) my feet are actually falling off and I personally blame day 2 for this. We exited the Metro at Smithsonian station. For those who understand Washington, basically it is about a third of the way up the mall from the Washington Monument to the Capitol. If you look at any picture of this area of DC, and there are very many, it doesn't seem far. You have absolutely no idea just how rediculously far it is.

(To put it in context the lady in the Hotel told us that you couldn't walk into DC from our Hotel, we were all, pah we've seen the pictures, silly lady, it's not far, just over that bridge if I'm not mistaken, I can see the Capitol from my hotel room, how far can it possibly be??? Turns out the silly lady was in fact quite sensible and having just checked the Capitol steps to the Washington Monument is 1.1 miles, and is 2 miles from the steps to the Lincoln Memorial. 2 miles in a straight line is one of those deceptive things where you just keep walking, and that big thing in the distance just never really gets any bigger.)

We had pre-booked a trolley-bus tour today where upon a knowledgeble local drives a propane powered trolleybus around the city pointing out where Lincoln got shot and where Hoover was once caught wearing a dress etc. Loveley knowledgable people who have the cutest habit. When you are on a bus of Americans, Spaniards, Indians, French etc. they refer to a lot of events in relation to the Revolutionary War. As soon as they suspect a sniff of the British they refer to the same things lovingly as the War of 1812, as if the whole thing was a terrible misunderstanding about teabags and the price of stamps. (incindentally the propane powered bus is wonderful, exept it has no windows, so folks can take pictures and the whole thing smells just a little too much like Barbeque or Patio Heater for my liking. We went and saw many many things, most of which are included below, although I'm sure I have photos to suggest we did other things.

White House (Obviously)
OEOB
All the Senate offices (well we looked at them
Union Station, which is something that really has to be seen to be believed
Supreme Court
Willard Hotel
Ford theatre (and that place where Lincoln died)
Watergate
Hoover Building (that'd be where them FBI folks live)
The Smithsonian (The Natural History one)
The National Cathedral
and about 80 other places.

The overwhelming thing that stood out was the abundance of Squirrels however...and willey little buggers they are too. They have learned that man is the bringer of cheetos and other tasty treats and that all things considered, acorns suck in comparison to M&M's. When I eventually find a faster internet connection I'll be uploading what Jenny is beginning to call an obsession with various squirrels I've met in DC (Including brave Whitehouse Squirrel, who I shall call George W Squirrel, for he/she didn't know where his nuts was at!)

Things I've not quite got my head around yet...

1) "How ya'll doing today?" isn't necesarily a question that needs answering, in fact to do so may cause confusion.
2) There are an unusually high number of men, and women running up and down the mall wearing much less clothing than I'd recommend given the rain and inclement weather.
3) How much scarier it is crossing the road, when cars can turn right on red lights at any time, and when you cross you are given a count-down until you get eaten by that large black SUV that wants to eat you.
4) The number of occasions that I've had to remove all metal items/belts to enter anywhere. I can't imagine what it must have been like when people wore pistols and carried hip-flasks.

Went out for dinner to a steak house and after a rather embarrasing situation when my Englishness got the better of me (basically it would seem that my default state of reply to any question is "yes thank you very much" and the waitresses reply to "thank you" is "You're welcome." We got stuck in a rather ackward loop for a little while but it was fixed after a frown from Jenny broke our war of politeness.) I had what was quite simply the best steak of my life. We came back to the hotel and after a bath to relieve the burning sensation in my feet we went to bed for what would hopefully be a historic day of election type goodness.

I have returned in some kinda Whicker's World sorta way!

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 04:17:01 GMT

Good Evening world,

As the subject line suggests I've been gone away for quite some time and that's largely due to a World of Warcraft addiction that I'm sure I'll mention at some point down the line, but I'm here and I may well be posting again. If only for the fact that I'm in America and I've just discovered complimentary WiFi in the hotel room.

So by way of a travelogue, I'll try my damnest to not waffle, but I don't really see there as being much chance of that happening. I'm also gonna try and get a free photobucket type thingie, but soon. In the interim, I'll try to be as Chronological as I can.

1) 02/11/08 or should that be 11/02/08 (Isn't that February though?)

Woke up at 5.30 to drive down to Heathrow to fly out, a nice journey all told and a very scrummy breakfast given the obscene airport price tag. However we went through the security check thingamie and had our shoes checked for explosives and our bodies paddled by the lovely people of Group 4 Security. (Can anyone remember that period in the 90's when all that used to happen with Group 4 was that they were constantly losing prisoners, cash, frankly everything to be honest.) I for one am glad that they are responsible for checking that all the liquids I carry on in my 12"x15"x18" don't exceed 100ml and are see through and tasted to check they aren't baby milk.

Anywho I digress and boarded my first transatlantic flight and my first Virgin Atlantic.

OMG - Aeroplanes Rock, I mean I've done that whole 2 hour to Malaga thing before, but once again OMG! I had a TV in the back of the seat in front of me, there were films that were still on at the cinema, I was given a free blanket, endless tea, coffee, alcohol if I required it, at one point the stewardessy peoples just started handing out Choc Ices, that's amazing, on a plane! The toilets were clean and made a reassuring sluurrrggggg noise when you flushed them. The same TV's that showed the movies gave a skymap thingamie that told me that we were flying at 36,000 feet, and that it was -56 F outside. (Interesting side note, -56 F or celcius is very close to -42 C or something, remind me to check at what temperature its the same number, I find these kinda things interesting is all)

So we arrive in Dulles, and after a bus Journey and a complicated form filling escapade we get our hands on a hire car!

Wewt! Interesting things to nice about the Chrysler Sebring and driving in general I suppose.

1) The car is about 90 feet long (But thats ok, because roads are like 5 miles wide, and parking spaces the same size as Austria.
2) The whole driving on the right thing makes actually a lot of sense until you stop for dinner and try to get out of the mall car park on the other side of the road.
3) The horn goes off each time you lock it with the key fob thing (which although annoying and scares the crap out of you each time you leave the car does serve as an answer to the whole did I lock the...ah yes my heart is still racing question)
4) I absolutely love the way that Betsy (the lady who lives in my sat nav) says traffic circle and freeway.
5) Everyone should go out this instant and purchase a Satellite radio Cirius thing for your car, just spin the dial to rock and there it is.

So the Hotel in Washington is lovely, quite posh really, and we are on the 12th floor. (From our room at night we can see the Washington monument (seriously the whole thing is like the West Wing it properly rocks with knobs on!) We are in a place called Crystal City, which I think is somewhere near the Pentagon and Arlington, but I'll find out soon I suspect.

Furthermore, having searched a number of news outlets for Obama fever I fell that CNN will be my network of choice. If only for the fact that the man who anchors the evening news is a lovely man with a very honest beard called Wolf. I love this country!

Photographique

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 14:33:05 GMT

World,

In preparation for my upcoming visit to the 'Land of the Free' I have purchase a rather swanky camera.

And it looks a little bit like this:

Whats most exciting is that it comes with a whole host of features that I can't currently begin to understand. However a day will come soon, when I understand ISO settings and start wittering on about aperture settings and lighting conditions.

Like I needed anything else to be geeky about!

I am slowly working through the book of words in order to be able to take pictures of the cat in sepia tones.

And going forwards I've made myself a flikr account and will be soon blogging through the medium of picture. However since a picture is apparently worth approximately 1000 words I suspect that they are going to be small ones.

Now I have a setting for capturing bounding animals, so I'm off to give the dog an espresso!

Chow!

Weight Update

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 09:28:52 GMT

So, 2 weeks on I nervously stepped onto the scales to see if my fruit rather than pasty diet has had any effect. With the exception of a thank you muffin, I think I've pretty much stuck to the plan.

A weigh exactly the same as before! And it's not like my trousers are now falling down everytime I star jump either!

However I no longer taste metal everytime I climb the stairs, so things are possibly getting better!

Seeks inventors...

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 11:25:24 GMT

So as I'm sure you are aware it is cold.

I'm suffering from icy cold hands and fingers which is affecting my ability to kill things in World of Warcraft. What I need is a pair of gaming gloves.

Ordinary gloves are too thick and result in my podgy fingers mashing the keyboard. Fingerless gloves would mean warm hands but icy cold fingers.

I think what I need are a pair of thing lycra type gloves, with fingers with grips on. In the style of a tote, however the thin lycra would need to be warmed somehow. I'm thinking of an electric blanket type electrical thread sewn through the material, then I could plug my gloves into the USB connectors on the back of my keyboard, and play without fear of icy fingers or slippage.

I think i'm off to bastardise a pair of tights, a usb coffee warmer and chrismas totes, to see whether it works or not!!!

Next stop Dragons Den!!!

Confusion!

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 08:23:00 GMT

So today I bought the next load of dog food for Nala.

When she was a puppy she had problems with commercial dog food, so a company called Burns was recommended to me. Within a week of switching over she was fine and has been trouble ever since. All their foods are holistic and organic, and it makes me feel good that she gets better food that we do.

It's expensive, but she needs much less than ordinary dog food but you need much less of it, so it works out better financially. They are a really helpful company, offering advice for free if you call them up with any problems. I would recommend them to anyone, and they also do cat and rabbit food.

http://www.burns-pet-nutrition.co.uk/index.htm

In addition they do loads of organic and holistic treats, toys etc. She is running low on shampoo, so I've decided to buy some at the same time. They recommend Greenfields shampoo, which we have never seen before, but it's reasonably priced, so I thought we'd give it a go.

But having bought it I'm a little troubled.

"The Greenfields range of pet products are really good quality. The best natural oils and compounds from the shell of shellfish give strength and body. Unique to Greenfields is the use of moisturising agents that mimic those found in birds feathers, which ensure your pet's coat is in pristine condition through the year."

Which all seems lovely, but the small print at the bottom says:

"Greenfields do not test their products on animals."

Surely someone has, at least once?!!?

Healthy living of sorts!

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:37:28 GMT

So he's the thing!

I have noticed these last few weeks that there are times that I can't hold my stomach in and pretend to be even slightly thin. Without dieting or joining a Gym I'm going to attempt to loose weight by simply not eating cake, buscuits or crisps anymore.

Here is my plan.

I never eat breakfast so thats not a problem.
Lunch is usually crap so I'll try to eat fruit instead.
Dinner will remain the same, but with possibly less pudding.

So in effect the only notable change to my lifestyle will be the cutting out of crap in the afternoons and evenings.

As of 16.30 on 25/01/08 I weigh exactly 100Kg's. I shall be interested to see if my regieme has any effect at all on my weight or waist band!

Here goes.

So I spent four days in a plane for how much?!?

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 22:06:50 GMT

Holiday is now booked and planning is mostly all my life at the moment. However whilst ensuring we have travel insurance I came across the most peculiar anomaly with our policy.

Looking through our policy documents I was amazed and possibly relieved to be covered in the unlikely event of Hijack!

Yes Hijack!!!

Which is nice, for we live in uncertain times, however, the thing that surprized me wasn't the level of cover so much as the manner in which it is paid. The policy pays out up to £500, but only at the rate of £50 per day.

So heavens forbid you get on the plane, to be Hijacked by some terror organization, are flown to a deserted runway like in the films. Where after 3 days of negotiations and bad pizza the terrorists give up. Assuming you don't get shot or blown up in the ensuing chaos, Insure and Go will send you a cheque for £150, less the excess of £70 of course.

Which would certainly cheer me up after 3 days without a bath or flushing toilet!

Holiday Schmoliday!

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 22:19:37 GMT

So Jenny and I spent an hour and a bit tonight trying to book our big holiday to America this November.

Only things didn't go as well as planned!

Without overly complicating the tale, and without ruining a future post it which I will witter at great length about our joyous holiday I shall explain the error we encountered.

We are off on a flydrive tour around Virginia, in which you spend several days in a place before moving on to the next.

We arrive at Washington Dulles at 15.25 on a Sunday afternoon, at which point we need to pick up our hire car in order to drive the 28 miles to our hotel in Washington Central.

Only the internet prevents you from carrying on with the booking due to the fact that the car hire place is shut, and it tells you that it can't be done. Which I imagine would make it the worst fly-drive holiday in history!

So the website tells you to call a number, and to Virgin's credit they do man/woman the telephones at 9.45 at night. They tell me that it is possible that the car rental place is open on a Sunday afternoon, after numerous weird conversations we fail to be put through to the 4 unfortunate saps on the USA desk and that we need to call back tomorrow to make it work.

But here is the beauty in my story, the booking team are unable to give the online discount unless the online team tell them that there is an internet fault. Speaking to the internet support team for the second time we were told:

"not a problem, just tell them that we said it's okay!"

So for online discounts with Virgin Holidays. Just tell them that it's okay!

Addiction.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:10:02 GMT

At a time where Hollywood has quite rightly put their pens and paper away, TV for me has slowed down a little. Until the return of many of my favorites I find myself searching through the archives of American TV for something new to watch.

I have fallen upon a work of genius.

I have started watching the American version of the Office. I loved the original Ricky Gervais version, not because of the David Brent character, not because of the painful unique mockumentary approach, but because of Dawn and Tim. It was so wonderful to see the interplay between Lucy Davis and Martin Freeman, as the only two normal people in that crazy office environment.

However, I have a new love! The interplay between John Kranski and Jenna Fisher is wonderful, such a perfect pairing. So much so in fact that I think I prefer it.

So in short, whether you liked the Office or not, find, borrow, download, or if feeling flush purchase this work of genius!

Vidspam?!?

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 14:12:33 GMT

I'm not sure if that is even a thing, but below is an embedded youtube type clip I took with the camera unless I'm being a monkey where upon it won't be.

It's more of Knowle Hill if you were interested.

Generally if you stand on the lawn and spin around through 360 degrees. The only point of which would be to show that there really wasn't anything for miles and miles and miles.

Back from a wonderful week away

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:46:48 GMT

So, I'm back from going away on my holidays with Jenny, omniguy, bexless and Nala. We went to a place called Knowle Hill in Derbyshire and had possibly the most 'English' week of my life.

Knowle Hill is managed by the Landmark Trust, who take old dilapidated castles and country houses, do them up and rent them out as holiday homes. Depending on the size of the property and the time of the year, the cost goes up and down, but since we didn't really do anything for New Year invited omniguy and bexless along so we could have some lazy fun together.

This is the front of the house and it's about as far away as I could get before the hill rises into view and you kinda lose the bottom of the picture.

But anyway, without giving you a blow by blow account of the things we did and said, I proffer a series of highlights.

Much of the first night was spent sitting in the dining room, in front of a solid fuel stove reading the occasionally comical entries of the log book. If ever you wish to create a true picture of the state of the British people from 1994-2008 simply visit Knowle Hill and read the entries held within. All aspects of society are covered, from 'Naked Ramblers' complaining bitterly of the lack of sun screen on their unmentionables, to small children who request that future inhabitants return their bouncy balls should they manage to recover them from within the nettles.

By far my favorite entry ran a little as follows, whilst not copied verbatim, the gist is the important bit of this tale.

"Tuesday - Enjoyable walk was had by the family, we were relaxing after dinner when there was a knock at the door. We answered it to find a gypsy woman selling Guinea Pigs. So the children asked how many she had and proceeded to buy all 12.

Thursday - Went to Alton Towers today, only 3 Guinea Pigs remain, Dog is getting fatter."

At this time, the image in my head is one of improperly housed hastily domesticated Guinea Pigs scampering for their very lives, from an over-excitable Black Labrador. We were also somewhat worried about the continual references to a 'severed hand' with no supporting explanation. But more on ghosts later!

Time for some more pictures I feel:

This is the inside of the courtyard, effectively the back of the building shown up there, however, since the house was built on a hill, there are two storeys at the back, although they appear to be store rooms and a rather refreshing outsidish toilet.

This is the side of the house, just to the left of the stairs in the previous picture is the door above by the hedge. The pretty looking room off to the right is the 'Summer House' designed as some sort of Banqueting Room, it is now set up as a lounge with books and another solid fuel fire. Here's some pictures of inside.

And from a slightly different angle:

Beautiful isn't it?

So much of our time was spent lounging, or going for the occasional walk, the walking taking much more time than planned, since in order to get to the property you need to walk about half a mile down a progressively more muddy road. Along which there were four gates, that needed opening and closing the last of which required a combination lock that kept changing itself when left alone. Spooky huh!

The track and land to and from the house were also awash in what were politely Christened Groustridges. Some of the boy birds could easily identified due to them looking like to one on the Whisky Bottle, however the girls all looked kinda brown and were generally there only to taunt Nala. Also along said path were very bold Rabbits, one of whom escaped a Meriva based death only by quick braking and luck.

We went out for a lovely curry on the Wednesday, and on Thursday we had Chippie Chips in such volume that you wonder wether the locals are all 24 stone, although given the fact that the Chippie was a good 5 miles away it is possible that you need such large portions to simply make the journey.

More Pictures:

A Jigsaw that omniguy and Jenny spent two days completing. Partly due to the fact that is is a what happens next type puzzle. As you can see, our intrepid heroes are tied to train tracks as the baddie drives away. You have to work out what happens next and how they can be rescued from 'a fate worse than death.' although closer examination of their predicament would suggest that if you did nothing their fate would be 'death' unless being crushed by a train as a startled mouse looks on could be seen as worse than death.

Out of respect to Wasgij the solution follows under a cut.

As you can see, the spy had access to a flute (which would have been one of the dullest James Bond - Q moments ever), which he uses to charm a snake from a slightly racistly labelled basket, which knocks the bag onto the sack truck, which flips the points and saves our heroes, all whilst the small mice dance for joy and a cat looks away uninterested.

The eagle eyed amongst you may have noticed that there are two edge pieces missing from this 1000 piece jigsaw. Although as Omni and I established late on Thursday night, realistically it is a 36x28 grid meaning that there really should be 1008 pieces. 1006 if you include the 2 pieces that Nala was meant to have eaten. Although how and why would my dog be able to choose and pick out 2 edge pieces. Suffice to say no examination of poo has been undertaken, but I think if she was passing a Jigsaw you would hear it rather than need to check!

Hows about some more pictures?

This is the property from the back and the location of the famous 'Bat Cave' although you can't see it from this picture it is hidden into the hillside. For those of you interested, Omni fell from the corner of the house half-way down this hill, suffering the torture of embarrassing bramble scratches for the remainder of the holiday.

And now the Bat Cave:

As you can see, well hidden into the hillside. Out of respect for those present all photos of people inside the cave have been erased, since no-one I know looks good by candle light. The night time setting on the camera serves only to make people look pastier. What follows is a pretty shot I took.

Again, no ghostly activity to report, it was cold and the night settings of the camera clearly have a longer exposure time. But it does make it look like the flames are dancing just for us!

My penultimate picture is of the pretty sunset on the last night, taken from the front door.

It then got really really foggy, putting an end to all that Red Sky at Night crap I've been hit with my whole life.

Ghosts:

Finally, on the subject of Ghosts, none were seen, experienced or felt, certainly no sign of a severed arm, however upon return and uploading some pictures this final shot confused me. Taken of the long corridor that Nala enjoyed sprinting down I provide the following as possible ghostage. If watching Most Haunted has taught me anything it is that Orbs are really trapped spirits.

What appears under the cut is a much larger copy of this image, with orbs helpfully highlighted by me.

Read into it what you will, perhaps Nala had a point, when she was barking inextricably at nothing, or perhaps it is just dust on the lens after I nearly dropped my camera off a ravine into a waterfall. You decide!

Anyway, in conclusion a great deal of fun was had by all, and I can be sure of the fact that this won't be our last Landmark. Perhaps next time we can go to a real castle, or maybe something different?

Tax rebate...Not bloody likely!

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:46:23 GMT

So today I received an e-mail from the IRS, for those in the UK that have never watched the news or an American TV show, that would be the Internal Revenue Service of the USA.

This would be it:

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have
determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $129.72.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-9 days in order to
process it.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons.
For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.

To access your tax refund, please click here

Best Regards,
Tax Refund Deparment
Internal Revenue Service

Now here's the thing, working as I do for the civil service I am aware of such a fraud being perpetrated right here in the U.K. in fact using the letter head of the very government department I work for:

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/security/taxrebate-2.htm

So my question would be this. Having never stepped foot in the USA, certainly never paid taxes there and almost certainly never having experienced any type of fiscal activity, how many British people get said e-mail and go: "Wahoo, $129.72 I've overpaid in tax to the US government. I'll put all my financial and personal details into this webpage and send it off and will get £50 within the week!"

Also, you'd hope that the Tax Refund Department would be able to at least spell 'department' wouldn't you?

Furthermore, how many of them call the IRS when their money doesn't arrive? By which time bolivian prostitutes are being crammed into shipping crates, and transported across the Atlantic on cargo ships all paid for using their American Express card.

How stupid must you be in this day and age to fall for such a scam?

Anywho, I have to go, there is a man at the door from Readers Digest who claims I may already have won £100,000. All I need to do, is sign a legally binding document gifting them my left kidney and 1st born child after sitting on hold for a day on a £98 per minute 0898 number.

Toodles!

Beautiful Keyboard of Death!

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 10:28:38 GMT

2 posts in as many days! Aren't we doing well?

So last night my shiny new keyboard was delivered.

I bought a new Dell PC in November after my 'beautiful blue' computer died with fire and electronic burny death! The keyboard that came with it is okay, but I don't like the klickety klackety noise it makes, and has no media keys.

So given my new love of all things Warcraft, I decided to invest in a pretty keyboard, I liked the idea of the butterfly keys, but like a geeky gypsy moth I was drawn to it's pretty light up buttons. My little computer room has been lacking a neon glow since the death of the old pc, and now is emanating a warm purple glow through the doorway into the landing. The world is a much better place!

Also, the keys can be lit up as red, blue or purple, which for reasons that amuse me will be used to represent my moods through the coming days, angry (red), cool (blue), and purple (happy)!

Maybe that's what Mika was talking about?

Auld Lang Syne and 2008!

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:24:09 GMT

Things I've decided to do for New Years Revolutions and all that:

I shall certainly attempt to Post more, because I am a big fat lazy, who will check LiveJournal at least twice a day to see if folks have updated, however is completely unwilling to spend at least 5 mins a week writing something!

I will try not to change tense or person mid paragraph, as it's possible I did up there. (Sorry Grammar Police!!!)

I will walk Nala more, so that she doesn't eat people that she meets in the street just to say hello.

I will try to work out by 31/12/08 what the hell is going on in Auld Lang Syne. I'm a fairly well educated young man with at least a partial grasp of Middle English being well versed in the works of Chaucer, however Auld Land Syne honestly confuses the hell out of me. For those that don't know the lyrics they go a little like this:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine,
But we've wander'd monie a weary fit,
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne

I don't know what you think, but for me it reads a lot like Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. I assure you within the year I will have tackled this wee beastie.

So here goes for the 1st post of what I hope will be at least 52. If only I pop up to tell you about my new nerdish hobbies of painting small goblins in a Warhammer sense, and killing small goblins in a WOW sense. In truth if it doesn't have small goblins in it, I'll be unlikely to show any real interest.

But we'll have to see how it all works out!

Chow!

Sony: Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the capitalism!

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 23:56:10 GMT

Today I was beaten about the head by the money making scam that is Sony.

For those of you unaware I shall provide a brief overview of the background.

When you buy a PS3 and connect it to the internet you get a login to a place called Sony Marketplace. Effectively it is a shop where you download free demos, movie trailers, and add-ons for games (extra weapons, maps etc.)

About 75% of the things on their website are free, and it's all to their credit, for it is truly a wondrous place. If you are about to buy a game for £50 you should have the opportunity to play it for a bit first. Trailers are always good.

In addition to all of this content there are a number of free game trials. Mainly old PS1/2 titles, but there are some puzzle type games written specifically for this market place.

And I found Lemmings. Downloaded the free trial, and played the 5 playable levels, and had a really lovely time. Fun, exciting, and there is something about little dudes with green hair on a 42" LCD TV that brings back the memories of bashing away on my Amiga 600 when I was 11.

So the time comes to look to see how much it costs for real. A further 80 levels of Taxing, Tricky and Mayhem based levels for the cheap, cheap price of £3.49.

Bargin thought I, and Jenny has been wanting to play the extra levels for weeks. So we go to the section of the site to buy the game.

Now the clever bit happens. In order that Parents can allow children to download this content there is an electronic wallet function. Parents charge their credit card to the site and deposit any denomination they wish in order that Jonny and Sarah can entertain themselves.

SO LONG AS YOU DEPOSIT £5, £10, £20, £40, £50, or £100.

Now I don't have a credit card, so for the sake of this transaction Jenny acted as my Mum. Which is fine, until you get to the screen after you have confirmed which states quite blatantly. "This payment is non-refundable!" (So ha ha ha we now have your money.)

I've now got a balance of £1.51. Which is nice, since the cheapest thing on the site costs £3.49. I've looked at the prices of everything, there is no way of even getting close to a £5 or a £10.

So what Sony have essentially got is millions of children around the globes money, tied up and completely unusable.

So I've taught the bastards a lesson, I've credited myself another £10.

THAT'LL TEACH EM!!!

Argh Monkeys...With Chainsaws!!!

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 16:05:16 GMT

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/655747.stm

Monkeys stone a man to death!

and then:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/685381.stm

Kenyan monkeys fight humans for water!

Now I recognize that these stories are seven years old now, but it seems to me that monkeys seem to be conquering Africa. I've not been paying that much attention. It's possible that they are in control of Kenya by now!

How would we know? With all this focus on the "War on Terror" it seems we have overlooked the greater battle, so I hereby declare the "War on Simians". Who's with me?

And to think I was going to take Jenny to West Midlands Safari Park tomorrow.

F$@k that!

Well I know I've been away for a bit but...

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 15:54:49 GMT

Once again hello world.

I know it's been months, but a chat with a guy at work suddenly made me think that it was probably a good idea to once again start blogging.

So here I am and sorry I've been away for so long.

I'll try much harder to be a better person!

Sorry!

I came across this piece of legislation the other day...

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 12:15:15 GMT

Whilst looking at an old school mates live journal site the following was brought to my attention.

http://www.opsi.gov.uk/ACTS/acts1998/1998007.htm

It is the Nuclear Explosions (prevention and inspection) act of 1998.

Which is nice! I particularly like the following:

Nuclear explosions.

1. - (1) Any person who knowingly causes a nuclear weapon test explosion or any other nuclear explosion is guilty of an offence and liable on conviction on indictment to imprisonment for life.

(2) Nothing in subsection (1) shall apply to a nuclear weapon explosion carried out in the course of an armed conflict.

So my question would be this...Had I have caused a nuclear explosion in 1996 would I have got away with it?

Incidentally if you were wonding:

3) If in proceedings for an offence under this section any question arises as to whether a nuclear weapon explosion was or was not carried out in the course of an armed conflict, that question shall be determined by the Secretary of State

Which seems to suggest that if John Prescott says i was involved in an armed conflict does it become ok. In truth I quite fancy my chances if that were the case!

And if you thought that was cute.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 16:01:01 GMT

Designed to make grown men sob just a little with envy!!!

And

Isn't she beautiful!!!

Baby Puppy

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 08:48:53 GMT

NALA

World, meet the dog.

Isn't she just the cutest thing you ever did see?

Terrorists can't get enough of the Fockers!

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:36:49 GMT

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/6300393.stm

"A court has been shown pictures of what was left in the second carriage of a Victoria Line Tube train after a man allegedly tried to explode a rucksack bomb on 21 July 2005.

Specialist police officers found a gelatinous mass on the floor which was so strong that it burnt through two layers of gloves worn by one of the forensic experts on the scene, Woolwich Crown Court heard.

Next to the yellow foam was a rucksack which contained a toothbrush, aftershave, deodorant, two shirts and a DVD of comedy film, Meet the Fockers."

Which really just goes to show that even terrorists love the whimsical comedy styling of Ben Stiller. Time to check those fan club application forms a little more closely I feel!

Mrs President Clinton?!?

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 16:16:32 GMT

A woman in the White House, not whilst there is blood pumping in my...oh hang on, I can't vote!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6282389.stm

Which is nice if you think of all of world. Do you think she'll be like Geena Davis in Commander in Chief? Or will she be an Iron Lady (only with more nukes!) How will Islam react?, will she make the budget balance, will she get on with Prime Minister Brown/Cameron/Campbell? (We all know what that last ones unlikely Don't we?)

(Have you noticed how they are all Scottish by the way?!?

I'm not sure, but I think what's the worst thing that can happen, Her husband did okay despite being between between two Bushes (tee hee).

Interesting side bar, did you know that Bill Clinton has 2 Grammy awards! See 8 years in power doesn't prevent the crossover into R&B or Rap.

I think all credit to her and Good Luck, she'll have middle east tidying their rooms and doing their homework by January 31st. Or no supper for them!

Out of the darkness...

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 15:50:43 GMT

Good lord it's been a while and I'm not really sure why. Possibly because I like the reading and the little clickerty clackerty of the keys hurts my brain. However then I realized that it was a little bit rude and a lot bit voyeuristic so here goes.

I vow that from this point forward I shall attempt to blog at least once a week. Although given its me I'm probably going to be a little bit silly for a few days.

So my first post is a while is about Jade Goody in the Brother House...Nah you know what, scrub that I'm gonna talk about Latin.

As some of you know I'm doing a History Degree, and it seems I started at the wrong time of the year. In order to get in line with all the other History students I need to either overlap a course or do nothing for 8 months. So being me I decided to overlap a bit, but only with a 30 point course. The 30 point course I chose is well Latin.

Figuring it would be useful for all manner of day to day functions; ordering Pizza, getting into night clubs, checking the salt level of my lasagna etc. Well I like the classics, there is a Classical module coming up, and I thought it would be kinda cool.

And oh dear Christ am I confused.

Primarily because the language has no definite or indefinite articles. (Recognizing that of all my friends only one of you will understand this (You know who you are Mrs.)I shall elaborate.) The and A don't exist in Latin.

The effect of which basically means that Cat Sat on Mat. Which I feel kinda looses the fliudity of the prose.

Secondly and it really isn't latins fault, I'm pretty sure that the imperfect second person subjunctive has never effected my life until now. Damn you primary school!!!

What worries me the most is I have an A* in English Grammar. What the hell did they teach me if not verbs, nouns and pronouns etc?

But I'm sure It'll come to me!

Speak soon,

Al

So I'm back in Blighty, and thank heavens for post office ropes.

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 22:00:07 GMT

Hello world...

Have returned from my holidays in Tunisia, was much fun and very sunny. A full explanation and description of the country and my activities will follow but in the interim. The most enjoyable comments heard on the return journey.

Upon entering the passport check area at Monastir Airport (little local airport, exists purely for the new hotels built on the peninsular since the 70's about the same size as coventry) we enter a large tiled hall/lobby place, several hundred Brits enter and arrange themselves into queues for the 24 little booths. Not a rope in sight, no signs, just a long hall and many many tired British people.

The only words I hear for 20 minutes are:

"Well it's not very organised is it?"
"God...do people in this country know how to queue?"
"You would have thought there'd be ropes like in a post office."
"Have you seen the state of the queues in this place!!!"

God and Jenny as my witness, get that many Brits together and all we can do is winge about a nations inability to constuct good old fashioned post office type queueing ropes.

Nice to know that in this uncertain world with international terrorism rearing its ugly head at each and every turn, the only thing we have to say about the only non-secular government to a muslim population on the planet (with more sexual equality, and womens rights than any other I may add!)is that they don't have very organised queueing procedures.

Bring back the yoke of Imperialism I say. That'll soon have the uneducated masses taking a number and waiting politely in line for service.